“[Being the] drunk kid falling all over at the party, it seemed like that became normal for me.”

 

Before deciding to drop out in Grade 9, Fife had moved around a lot with his family. 

 

“I went to 15 different schools by the time I decided to drop out,” he says. “[I] didn’t have a lot of friends. [I] was pretty much a solo kid.”

 

After entering high school, Fife recalls that drinking was all that he could concentrate on day to day.

 

“I remember leaving school at 15, going to the liquor store," says Fife, "getting a bottle then going back to school at lunchtime.”

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He doesn't believe that booze has even been casual for him, it has always controlled his life and who he was.

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"I have fetal alcohol syndrome," says Fife. "I have, from what I've been told, certain learning disabilities, emotional issues, stuff like that."

 

Growing up, drinking was the only thing that made him feel comfortable.

 

“It becomes a sense of security. Like, I can’t function without it. I need this so I can become this person,” Fife says. “I would never allow anybody to see the real me, I would only allow them to see who I wanted them to see me be.”

 

First seeking help at just 17 years old, Fife didn’t take his recovery process seriously. 

 

“At a young age there was still that ‘oh, I got time, it’s not that bad right now,” he says. “It wasn’t until I was about 35 when I really realized that it’s either I get help or I’m going to die. And I didn’t want to die anymore.”

 

Until then, Fife says he relapsed about fifteen times, staying sober for six months to a year each time.  

 

“It’s like getting T-Boned. One day you think you’re okay and the next day you’re looking at the mirror going ‘what did I just do?’”

 

In his mid-thirties, Fife hit the worst point of his addiction after a year of sobriety, losing his job as a cook, his relationship, and his home. 

 

“Instead of going home one night, I ended up in a bar that was two blocks away from my house [that] I would walk by every night on the way home from the restaurant,” he says. “I just walked in, sat down at the bar, and started drinking. I got kicked out of my house that night. Within a week, I quit my job because I couldn’t work. I was too busy drinking and just totally fell apart.”

 

This relapse lasted three years before he moved from Penticton, B.C., to Calgary, to deal with his demons one final time. 

 

“[It felt like] hell,” Fife recalls. “I had absolutely nothing. No home, no money, no nothing. Living on the streets, absolutely hell.”

 

He knew this was a process he needed to do on his own, so he left everything he knew behind in order to change his life. 

 

“I don’t need anybody else telling me how to do it,” he says. “If I couldn’t do it myself, I wasn’t going to do it. But, I knew in my heart that’s what I wanted and [I was] going to succeed doing it.”